remembering my grandma peggy

8/2/15

today i lost my grandmother.

she lived a long, full life.
she filled my childhood, teenage years, college days, and this so far portion of my adulthood.
my life was filled with moments of her impact.
a type of impact that created who i am.
i emulate her.
everywhere around me there are reminders.
reminders of the type of woman she was, of the type i long to be.
it's lovely to have her always surrounding me.
my grandma was a master in the trait of love.
she and my grandfather showed me a companionship-type love that's rare.
separated in death by less than 2 months.
soulmates that needn't be apart for longer.

if you knew my grandma you know she had perfected another type of love just as beautifully.
she loved children.
it was a spiritual type of experience for me to see the way she cared for little people.
i'm convinced only those close to perfection can love children like she did.
a God-like type of love.
she has helped me love because she showed me the mastery of it.
a toy box filled
a bowl of suckers
a freezer with a selection of frozen treats
a can of soda
a baby quilt tied
all opportunities to say she loved them without saying a word.
she often told me she loved me, but she constantly surrounded me with a different kind of saying it.
beautiful jars of peaches, pickles, pickled beets, salsa, tomatoes, pickled asparagus, pears, jams, and 
jellies.
jarring is a labor of love.
beautiful sheets drying on the line.
i'll never forget the smell of her laundry
(it's the greatest smelling I've ever smelt).
it's a trait of love for me.
a plate of spaghetti
with a side of a perfect piece of chocolate cake
washed down with some grandma Peggy red punch.
perfect.
sitting at her table holds some of the finest moments of my life.
i associate food with love on account of her.
she is the finest cook i've ever known.
she made it look easy.
i'll miss my moments at her kitchen table.
it was a place where you could sort out the issues of your life
it was a place of storytelling
it was a place of reminiscing
it was a place of happiness.
it was the place for me, you, and all.
her table was one of my favorite places to be.

my grandma was the most genuine and honest person i know.transparent.
it's one of the things i most admire about her.
i knew what she was thinking and how she felt about things always.
to be honest like that it takes a type of courage like few have.
to always be true to your beliefs
to always be honest
to voice your stance without fear
she has helped me see the power of truth and honesty because she showed me the mastery of it.
unselfishness was a quality that ran deep in my grandma.
i'm not sure if any of her moments were spent on her.
even her preferred choice of reading material, cookbooks, benefited others.
she always offered to serve me,
every time i went to her house.
always.
she made unselfishness look easy.
she makes me want to be unselfish because she showed me the mastery of it.
to say my grandma was wise would be a discredit.
she was beyond wise.
there's not quite a word to describe what she was.
smart?
intuitive?
genius?
she could give me advice and I knew i better listen,
because she was right.
she could tell me things that if others did it would make me mad,
but she had a way about her that made me want and need to hear whatever she wanted to tell me.
she was beyond wise-
indescribably brilliant.
i longed for any advice she was willing to give me.
she had a rich personality
a complex set of unique and balanced traits that make her irreplaceably great
spunky
funny
stubborn
strong
caring
i'll miss her personality every day.
she's by far the person i quote the most.
a few treasures:
"you're just as good as everyone else, but you're not a damn bit better."
"one boy equals a boy, two boys equal half a boy, and three boys is no boy at all."
on pregnancy and marriage "the first one can come at any time, the rest take 9 months."
"those little people sure are special."
"broke is a temporary state, poor is a state of mind."
"tending kids is job enough."
"one things true, when you're living the gospel you're happy."
she taught me that actions are the real way to speak.
she didn't have to say much to compose volumes.
tiny, simple actions that cascaded into a smorgasbord of impact.
when she did speak, everyone listened.
what she did say turned into poignant life lessons and future quotes.
i could speak volumes on her character even though she never said much.
her kindness and soft heart were ever present.
she not only fed the neighborhood,
but she fed the neighborhoods stray animals as well.
not even a week before her passing she was tending my parents cat
"they don't feed it" she said.
(and she was right.)
she kept a lame calf in her backyard because she couldn't heart eating a cow with a crippled leg
she always overpaid me,
i would have done it for free,
but she and grandpa knew i was poor
she and my grandfather sat on hard bleacher seats for innumerable ball games
to see them in the crowd meant more than i can express
i have become a kinder person because she showed me the mastery of it.
she left me surrounded by reminders.
a few things that remind me of her:
bus rides
curlers
tin cups
birds that sing and beaded icicles on her Christmas tree
nativities
the schwann's man
lilacs
window boxes for flowers
gardening
perfectly patched pants
fabric
dum dums
a stick of gum
italian dressing
caramel popcorn
fudge
breakfast
(hundreds of food dishes)
yard sales
perry mason
magazines
prior to her passing she repeatedly reminded others to "live a good life"
she's made it much easier for all of us because she lived a great one.
the ways she impacted and will continue to impact my life are immeasurable and innumerable.
i feel like God specifically paired she and i together.
i have seen his hand in my life because she was in it.
she was one of my best and dearest friends.
we named our mary anita after her hoping she'd take after her namesake
thank you so much grandma.
to have her in my life was,
well,
it was indescribably exceptional.
i love you.
hope to be like you.
lonesome for you.
miss you so very much.
i'm looking forward to one day seeing you and grandpa once again.
i know you'll continue to beautifully do things in heaven.
you beautifully changed the world because you were here.