Perspective

Life

I've been pondering life a lot lately. 

The recent passing of all my remaining grandparents is no doubt a trigger. 

I've been looking at people differently. 

Thinking about perception. 

How do they view me? 

How do I view them?

How do I want them to view me?

How do I become my desired view? 

I know everyone has a hundred thousand flaws and weaknesses. 

I'm not naive.

But how do I become the type of person that others remember my strengths while simultaneously looking back fondly at my weaknesses? 

It's a real conundrum mastering that dynamic. 

The real tricker is, I will never live and know if I've accomplished it. 

I've been thinking a lot about how I am remembering my grandparents. 

It's exactly the way I'd like to be remembered. 

I hate that they are gone.

That's the honest truth. 

their passing has got me thinking. 

Deep thinking.

Thoughts about

Gratitude

Experience

Living

Overcoming

Sorrow

Grief

Longing

Happiness

Thoughts on every aspect of living. 

Sorrow is an interesting experience for me.

We aren't well acquainted sorrow and myself. 

So getting to know it these past couple months has been an unpleasureable experience.

It would be preferable to bypass the experience on sorrow all together. 

I can manage disappointment, failure, and regular sadness amongst a slew of other hard experiences. 

Sorrow has been harder on me than I expected. 

But in a strange way it's been good for me,

Because it's got me thinking- 

in a way I'd never thought before- pondering completely uniquely-

really seeing life in a way that needed my seeing.

I hope when I'm gone I'll have impacted the world for good. 

I often wonder how a person goes about accomplishing drastic impact.

How'd ghandi or mother theresa or nelson mandela or any other entrepreneurs of goodness start and become what they ultimately became? 

how can I live a good life and hopefully help a few people along the way? 

sometimes I wish I could take on the world and empower it with goodness. 

I don't suspect that's my life ability. so what I've decided I'll do is do my best to leave a kind imprint on the world.

because if I'm going to be remembered for one thing i would like to be thought of as kind if nothing else. 

I think of my children a lot when I think about my opportunity for impact. 

it may be one of my few chances to really make a difference for someone.

I'm trying every second not to mess it up. 

I think about what I want them to remember about me- 

firstly I want them to know their mother loves them, if they think of nothing else but that they know I love them I will feel grateful.

I hope they think of kindness and honesty and reliance and I hope they see the love of God. 

there's many things I hope. 

but I mostly long for them to know their mother loves them. 

I think love is my one shot to make a change in the world. 

I hope I can change the world even if it's just a little. 

If I can't, I hope I'm remembered for trying.