European Grievances

I have 3 main complaints about Europe (even though I love it xoxo). Every time I think of these 3 items I can feel the temperature of my blood begin to rise. I can’t help it, it just is.

In no specific order, the things nightmares are made of:

1. Water
2. Condiments
3. Toilets 

If these 3 grievances didn’t exist I’d practically have nothing to complain about. (OK, I’m sure I could think of something especially in the heat of distress, but for now these 3 are the nemeses of European travel.)

1. Water- still or sparkling? Hows about on the house? I don’t want bottle water, but I also don’t want to choke on my bread, so, forcing me to pay for it seems like a tragedy I can’t escape. Never mind I have 3 bottled waters on my person at any given moment. Pulling out such would be poor form, but then again, depriving me of one of the necessities of life seems the poorest of form. I loathe that I have to pay for water in countries that have potable water. This alone has increased my consumption of soda and decreased my health. So technically I blame Europe for my soda habits and poor health. It’s really a vicious cycle created by unkind water providing.

2. Who the hell makes someone pay for ketchup? Ok, some may say it’s an insult to ketchup an item, but if I wanna do it, I should be able to do it, and not at a premium. Can we also talk about some ranch, thousand island, or a little bit of Italian? These things make lettuce. They also make other things- sorry, not sorry. Can just vinegar and oil not exist for a few days and can Europe be introduced to the glory of the other salad options. Please, I’m begging you, please. I need more condiments, and I need them for free.

3. Ok, my biggest complaint is toilets. Who decided these should have a toll? Not only is this awful, but also sexist, really. A man can easily relieve himself in any corner. Can you imagine if women just started squatting around town? No, I don’t see this happening. So making people pay is directly against women. The right to pee and poop in a respectable toilet stall, for free, may as well be included in the bill of rights. Are you free if you can’t relieve yourself for free? I think not, I think this is a form of modern enslavement that Europe needs to end immediately. Can you similarly imagine if America decided to charge for toilets? There would be riots, court cases, and boycotts galore, and I’d be the one leading them all.   Dale, my husband, also argues that the cost of toilets is the cause of a probable continent-wide dehydration epidemic. If you have to pay to pee, will you be drinking adequate water? Chance are, no, result, epidemic. The issues at hand are very serious. How can something so serious have such a simple solution and yet the change has not been made?

If these 3 things were corrected I would have but no choice to have a second home in Europe. Since they do I deprive myself of water, feel bullied for being a woman, and pack ketchup packets in my luggage. (Ok, I don't really do that, but I may do it, I may start.) Let us unite in world-wide revolution and supply these things for free to all citizens.
Hear, Hear!!