sugar

with mary i was a borderline gestational diabetic.

fancy my lack of surprise when i found out i am also borderline gestational diabetic with this baby.

a reading of 137 when the cut off is 140 is cutting it real close.

when i went to my dr i received the depressing ban of candy order.

a 10 pound baby if i didn’t.

more likely a repeat c-section (hell no if at all avoidable).

i drove home with a sulky cloud looming overhead.

quitting candy cold turkey for me may be the closest i get to stopping a crack addiction cold turkey.

i instantly felt each of my individual cells cry out for their lifeline.

cue sugar shakes.

cue lightheadedness from sugar lack.

cue crazy sugar cravings.

there’s this empty bag of starbursts in my car- every time i see it a renewed depressive episode strikes.

then there are grocery stores….

every checkout exit is lined with temptresses.  

shiny ones.

bright colored ones.

flaunting their rich flavor descriptions.

taunting me.

the worst of the worst is our house.

i’m a candy hoarder.

a large stash waiting.

a supply of my most desirable confections.

the straight sugar kind.

taffies

fruit snacks

skittles

a small supply of chocolate.

i like my sugar in the only sugar variety, leave out the additives- make that sugar gooey or taffified and send it straight to my blood stream.

our mexico souvenirs= two grocery bags full of candy.

when fruit snacks went on sale= we bought 14 packages.

it will all have to wait.

for now i’ll suffer- in the name of newborn health.

so dire my situation has felt i’ve tried to replace my straight sugar with healthier versions of the drug.

fruit has now become my ally.

i can’t deny a small Italian soda on a rare occasion.

the hard stuff has been cut out but a complete lack of any sugar may destroy me.

besides the sugar plight all is well in the baby brewing situation.

heartburn has really amped up and the general feeling of potential bodily explosion at a minor poke is reaching critical level.

overall things are peachy.

a huge, gigantic, sugar deprived peachy.

can’t wait to meet this little.

things are starting to get real, real fast.  

the thought of snuggling another teeny is enough to make my heart explode.

sugar deprivation  7 weeks, 2 days, and an unknown amount of hours to go.