the battle of me vs. me

if it hasn't been apparent (by my negative backlash blog posts) i've had a couple of those weeks.
just a million little things that relentlessly push me to the brink- the brink of my worst self.
you know, in moments like this my mind goes a million different ways and i start to contemplate life more seriously.
i start to think of this choice.
that moment.
how i reacted.
or acted.
the would have beens.
the what haves.
the shouldn't have.
the wish i could.
the why nots.
i ponder my triumphs,
but mostly i focus on my failures.
it's a necessary cycle of my life or i would remain stagnant, but man, sometimes in these moments i don't want progression- i want that period of bliss i had that one time, for that one moment of my life.
compared to others my life has been one of ease-
but i can't compare my life to others, because my trials will never be someone else's.
i may not suffer from something apparently traumatic, but the simple things i've had to overcome were their own type of me trauma.
sometimes there is no tangible reason to why i'm having a rough go.
i mean really- so some people have been mean to me in the city- and so it's been pretty much everyday for the past few weeks, but come on that seems like nothing right?
not nothing to me.
it has ignited my most hated self.
short tempered.
quick tongued.
negative.
resentful.
spiteful.
because i've been my worst self i have become blind to all the good around me.
where usually i find tiny beauties with easy- they don't exist.
so i've been
trying.
hoping.
working.
all in the name of being better.
overcoming has to be a constant part of my life or i wouldn't be living.
life is a beautiful mess.
this is what's been going on with me lately- battle worst self vs. my better self....
here's to the weekend battle.
and here's to it being victoriously good.